Other than these columns, I spend most of my writing energy penning serious letters and emails, on behalf of the amazing politician I work for and with. I’m blessed to do it, and thank God I can.
But some days, another vein of writing busts out, a less serious one. God made us in his image – with a funny bone – so when a good clean laugh bowls us over, I think he joins in. Perhaps he chuckled a little on the day I sent this tongue-in-cheek memo. With apologies to any of my readers who genuinely suffer from hemorrhoids, (and since I missed April Fool’s Day) I share it with you, (especially if you have a desk job).
MEMO TO MY OFFICE COLLEAGUES
Some of you have told me that you find the piles obscuring your desks and filing cabinets stressful. I have the same problem. In a bit of downtime a few months ago, I went online and searched “How to Cope with Piles.” Google retrieved some great tips. I thought I’d pass them on. I’ve added my personal notes in italics.
HOW TO COPE WITH PILES
- Wash your piles gently, using soft tissue. (Long-standing piles attract dust. Best to keep them clean, but use a dry tissue – it won’t smudge ink.)
- Dab, rather than wipe. (Well, duh. Wiping shifts paper around – so much for those stupid Excel files.)
- Sit in warm water several times a day. Your piles will irritate you less. (I’ve sent a memo to Material Management to install a hot tub in my office. Still waiting for it to arrive.)
- Straining to eliminate makes piles worse. (It really does. Used to be, on the days the boss came in, my piles made me a basket case. Now I just stack pile on pile and tidy the edges. Play it cool. Don’t fret. Deep breathing and relaxing music helps.)
- You are less likely to be bothered by piles if you eat a diet rich in fiber. (This really works. I eat beans daily. Hardly anyone comes near my desk anymore, and in spite of my piles, I stay calm. Perhaps most of our stress is related to how we think others view our messes…who knew?)
- Wear loose and carefree clothing and undergarments. (Honestly, this one has me stumped, but I’ve purchased a few swirly top to test it. Still pondering the undergarments. I’ll let you know if all that helps. Just remember – what happens at the office STAYS at the office.)
- When your piles stress you considerably, try a cream or gel. (Double chocolate gelato or maple-pecan full-fat ice cream ALWAYS works for me.)
- In severe cases, seek professional help. (Google ‘professional organizer.’ Choose one and tell her you need immediate assistance to deal with a bad case of piles.)
Hope that helps someone today! Back to work now….Kathleen Gibson
Friends, laugh a little today! God made you with giggles and guffaws – use them.